How to Make It as an Outsider

On being difficult to be around

A 2016 New Yorker article. “Why are Babies so Dumb if Humans are so Smart.”

A baby giraffe can stand within an hour of birth, and can even potentially flee predators on its first day of life. A monkey can grasp its mother and hang on for protection and nourishment. A human infant can’t even hold up its own head.

It argues human babies are dumber than animal babies because science: head size, weaning time, neural density, etc. I argue the premise is wrong from the start.

People assume a baby monkey is intelligent because it can do some basic monkey stuff, a baby giraffe is intelligent because it can do giraffe stuff. But human babies are equally capable of doing human stuff—it’s just that human stuff is different stuff.

What happens to an adult monkey or giraffe that can’t hold up its head? It dies, dries out, and is eaten by scavengers or worse by its own family. What happens to a human adult that can’t hold its head up? It receives a lifetime of servants satisfying its every need. And …