Rules for Travel 2.0

1. Never take a bus. Of any kind. Ever.

2. Always book rental cars and hotels with Amex Platinum. When you arrive, the places really will treat you better and give you various upgrades, because they don’t want to piss off Amex. But do not go to Amex lounges. You can always tell where’s a good place to be if it has beautiful women—there are no beautiful women at airport lounges, only aging real housewife types with pinched dour facelifts. Airport lounges, once invite-only gentleman’s clubs, have been destroyed by frivolous Civil Rights Act discrimination lawsuits. Instead, here is an opportunity to go low. Post up at the grimiest possible airport bar in whichever far flung corner. Talk to everyone.

3. When you arrive at a destination, if you’re feeling crappy, the first thing to do is go out and eat the iconic food of whatever place you’re in. In NYC, this is pizza (or bagel if morning). In LA, of course street tacos. In Ho Chi Minh City, Pho. In San Francisco, PReP. You get the idea.

4. Long plane a…